Just More Questions

It's funny how sometimes getting the answers you're waiting for just causes more questions. I saw the surgeon on Monday and got the results from the week before. She said the additional tissue she removed from the original lumpectomy site was free of any cancer cells which is a good thing. She also said that 3 of the 12 lymph nodes she removed were positive for cancer.

"Oh", I said "now what"

Well she said, "3 is not such a bad number, we start to worry more when there are 4 or more nodes positive" Well I guess that's good. I see the oncologist on Monday....where she will hopefully be able to answer more questions.

Just a few of my new questions.

Is there cancer somewhere beyond the nodes?
What kind of tests will they want to do now?
What will my treatment look like?
And maybe most important to me, will I like the oncologist as much as I like the surgeon?

The Battle of the Mind

The mind becomes restless

imagining the worst

the aches and pains

sure signs of the enemy

growing stronger in far off

regions of the body

Silence…

The restless mind forgets the basics

like breathing

making one dizzy

another sign for sure

of the path of enemy

The mind then remembers

to breathe once again

the dizziness fades

as the goal to stay

in the moment once again

Comes forward…

Many people believe that true happiness can only be experienced if life is lived in the moment without overly obsessing about the past or the future. I am a worrier and often find myself stuck in a what-if mind battle with myself. It can make it very difficult to live in the moment.

This weekend I found it a constant battle with myself to not play the what-if game. I am still waiting for the results of my node dissection surgery last Monday. I know I will get the results at my post-op appointment with the surgeon tomorrow morning, but was really hoping I would know the results by the weekend because she is always so good about calling me as soon as she has the results….whatever the news.

So for the last few days between the what-ifs I tried to take pleasure in the weekend as it happened. We had baby A while her mother was in Los Vegas and had so much fun. The pictures are from Saturday at Happy Hollow Park and Sunday at Lake Almaden. Both places are great for warm spring days. Having a toddler around is a great way to live in a moment everything is so new and exciting to them that the adults around can’t help but see the wonder in the world around them.